July 20 2023

70+ Insightful George Carlin Quotes About the Crazy World We Live in

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Born in New York in 1937, George Carlin was an American comic icon, actor, social critic, and author. Considered as one of the greatest stand-up comedians of all time, his distinctive and provocative style of speeches, aimed at ridiculing the vices of the American society, redefined the genre and influenced a great number of comics.
He started his career in the radio and in nightclub acts before his breakout in a variety of television shows that made him a popular household name. He won several Grammy awards and was posthumously honored with the ‘Mark Twain Prize for American Humor’. Carlin passed away in 2008 of heart failure.
With his sparkling intellect and caustic humour, George Carlin derided and criticized political, religious, cultural and taboo subjects. On the face of it, one could say that he was an exceptional sociocultural critic who left a lasting mark in modern society through his witty reflections and incredibly entertaining sharp statements. Indeed, George Carlin was in a class of his own, however this would only be half the story. Carlin’s incisive approach and meaningful insight was thought provoking, providing a framework for introspection, prompting us to think out of the box and to challenge ourselves and our belief systems.
Here we have collected for you the most inspirational and insightful quotes of this provocative and counterculture comedian to share with loved ones in order to brighten their day and make them smile, but also to enhance your views about the world we live in and make you see things from a different perspective for a better life!

Short Funny George Carlin Quotes that will make you Laugh
Best George Carlin Quotes to make you Laugh and Think Out of the Box

Insightful George Carlin Quotes on Politics and Government
Inspirational George Carlin Quotes on Life, Society and People
Provocative George Carlin Quotes on Religion that will Remind you there is a Funny Side of God

George Carlin Quotes on Images

Short Funny George Carlin Quotes that will make you Laugh

Here are some powerful quotes of pure humor and sparkling intellect to follow you through the day!

Everyone smiles in the same language. George Carlin
The planet is fine. The people are f***ed. George Carlin

Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity. George Carlin
Laugh often, long and loud. Laugh until you gasp for breath. George Carlin
Men are from Earth, women are from Earth. Deal with it. George Carlin
How is it possible to have a civil war? George Carlin

I think I am, therefore, I am… I think. George Carlin
Life is a series of dogs. George Carlin
“Meow” means “woof” in cat. George Carlin
By and large, language is a tool for concealing the truth. George Carlin

Don’t sweat the petty things and don’t pet the sweaty things. George Carlin
May the forces of evil become confused on the way to your house. George Carlin
If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? George Carlin
Scratch any cynic and you will find a disappointed idealist. George Carlin

A good motto to live by: ‘Always try not to get killed’. George Carlin
One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. George Carlin
I put a dollar in a change machine. Nothing changed. George Carlin
There’s a humorous side to every situation. The challenge is to find it. George Carlin

What do dogs do on their day off? Can’t lie around – that’s their job! George Carlin

Best George Carlin Quotes to make you Laugh and Think Out of the Box

Read these short quotes by the renowned comedian to make you smile while seeing things from a different perspective.

The reason I talk to myself is because I’m the only one whose answers I accept. George Carlin
That’s why they call it the American Dream, because you have to be asleep to believe it. George Carlin

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls. George Carlin
Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn’t mean the circus has left town. George Carlin
I’m happy to tell you there is very little in this world that I believe in. George Carlin
The caterpillar does all the work, but the butterfly gets all the publicity. George Carlin
If a man smiles all the time, he’s probably selling something that doesn’t work. George Carlin

A house is just a place to keep your stuff while you go out and get more stuff. George Carlin
Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac? George Carlin
Some people see the glass half full. Others see it half empty. I see a glass that’s twice as big as it needs to be. George Carlin
If it’s true that our species is alone in the universe, then I’d have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little. George Carlin
If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? George Carlin

Don’t just teach your children to read…
Teach them to question what they read.
Teach them to question everything.
George Carlin
I think it’s the duty of the comedian to find out where the line is drawn and cross it deliberately. George Carlin
Some national parks have long waiting lists for camping reservations. When you have to wait a year to sleep next to a tree, something is wrong. George Carlin

Insightful George Carlin Quotes on Politics and Government

Here is a selection of Carlin’s quotes that criticize the political system of our days.

In America, anyone can become president. That’s the problem. George Carlin

We are a nation of sheep, and someone else owns the grass. George Carlin
George Washington’s brother, Lawrence, was the Uncle of Our Country. George Carlin
This country was founded by slave owners who wanted to be free. George Carlin
Never underestimate the power of stupid people in large groups. George Carlin
If you have selfish, ignorant citizens, you’re gonna get selfish, ignorant leaders. George Carlin

When you’re born into this world, you’re given a ticket to the freak show. If you’re born in America you get a front row seat. George Carlin
Have you ever wondered why Republicans are so interested in encouraging people to volunteer in their communities? It’s because volunteers work for no pay. Republicans have been trying to get people to work for no pay for a long time. George Carlin

Inspirational George Carlin Quotes on Life, Society and People

These bright quotes will inspire you to not to take things so seriously in life!

Just when I discovered the meaning of life, they changed it. George Carlin
Life is not measured by the breathes you take, but by the moments that take your breath away. George Carlin

Life gets really simple once you cut out all the bull sh*t they teach you in school. George Carlin
I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It’s so f***in’ heroic. George Carlin
Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit. George Carlin
Think of how stupid the average person is and realize half of them are stupider than that. George Carlin
Some people have no idea what they’re doing, and a lot of them are really good at it. George Carlin

If your kid needs a role model and you ain’t it, you’re both f***ed. George Carlin
Isn’t it a bit unnerving that doctors call what they do “practice”? George Carlin
Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid. George Carlin
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. George Carlin
The IQ and the life expectancy of the average American recently passed each other in opposite directions. George Carlin

I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, ‘Where’s the self-help section?’ She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. George Carlin
Some people see things that are and ask, Why?
Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not?
Some people have to go to work and don’t have time for all that. George Carlin

Provocative George Carlin Quotes on Religion that will Remind you there is a Funny Side of God

Every religion is by all means to be respected – but the role of the Churches is debatable. Read these quotes to gracefully enhance your views about it and make you reflect upon the essence of human spirituality!

Religion is just mind control. George Carlin
Religion is like a pair of shoes … Find one that fits for you, but don’t make me wear your shoes. George Carlin

Atheism is a non-prophet organization. George Carlin
The only good thing ever to come out of religion was the music. George Carlin
How can He be perfect? Everything He ever makes…dies. George Carlin
He – and if there is a God, I am convinced he is a he, because no woman could or would ever f*** things up this badly. George Carlin
Don’t give your money to the church. They should be giving their money to you. George Carlin

I have as much authority as the Pope. I just don’t have as many people who believe it. George Carlin
Frisbeetarianism is the belief that when you die, your soul goes up on the roof and gets stuck. George Carlin
So, have a little fun. Soon enough you’ll be dead and burning in Hell with the rest of your family. George Carlin
Tell people there’s an invisible man in the sky who created the universe, and the vast majority will believe you. Tell them the paint is wet, and they have to touch it to be sure. George Carlin
I was thinking about how people seem to read the bible a lot more as they get older, and then it dawned on me—they’re cramming for their final exam. George Carlin

I’m completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. … These two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death. George Carlin
The Christians gave Him Sunday, the Jews gave Him Saturday, and the Muslims gave Him Friday. God has a three-day weekend. George Carlin
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a man nailed to two pieces of wood. George Carlin